Lonely. Waiting for that special someone

Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to breakdown because of things that have occured in the past?

A lot of things have been on my mind. I also have not posted in a while. To bring you up to speed, im just going to say whats happened to me and what has been on my mind. Well i injured my back. Went to the doctors. Results came back negative for breaks. Have a performance at an MC church in 2 few weeks. Trying to get a new laptop as soon as possible. Emotionally i am okay. Still have hurt feelings but you have to move on right? Just miss the bliss of having a partner. Its truly something you cant feel unless your with someone you love. Working on developing my career skills as a designer. Learning to write code and create web pages for all to see. Trying to learn how to play the geetar. Trying to get my home computer fixed. Working on getting in shape.
Trying to get a way to get to college becuz my parents wont let me drive by myself. Have an annoying cough that wont go away. I think i may have emphezyma.

End of the year

Today June 5th, is my last day in high school. Although the things I did were fun, I am not particularly happy. Although college is going to be fun, I will be leaving behind some of my closest friends. However on the bright side of things, I will be able to see them this summer and possibly during the school year. June 11th is my graduation day. It will be an emotional day for me.

In terms of summer, I plan on working, working out my body, dance, and hang out with friends and family. I hope to also spend more time with her.

Marcus Perez

Love

Love

When someone says they love you, how do you respond? It was a question I thought about for a long time. And tonight I knew exactly how to respond. You tell them you love them as well. When two people say that to one another, a new life begins between them, The life of love. Love In my perspective, is truly a beautiful thing. I get the pleasure of experiencing it myself. Love has no limitations. It is an eternal feeling that only hate can cast out. Loving someone is pure bliss. You will happy with your love. Nothing can separate a true love relationship but yourself. But who would want to do that to themselves? I can not fathom the idea myself. Love...... Is beautiful

Marcus Perez

June...

June has come. Graduation and end of my senior year are rapidly approaching. There have been so many things I have missed out on. For one thing, although the year has been truly beautiful, I still kind of wished things didn’t end. Namely saying that the school year flew by so fast there was not enough time to do other fun things. Now that the year is coming to a close, I can only look towards the future. My life begins in a job, then college.
My relationship with her is truly something I wish to hold on. I believe we are closer then before, and I am glad things are turning out better then I had anticipated. I truly feel happy being with her. She is a one-of-a-kind type of person. Everything is much better when I am with her......She is the one ive wanted to date for such a long time. As cheesy at it sounds, she completes me. She’s there when I need her, and she knows what to do to brighten my day. I am there for her as well. There comes times when I can not see her but only talk to her via cell. I cherish our conversations, regardless if they are short or random. However, she has different intentions at the moment, and I have to respect that. I can not risk the chance I have with her over a misunderstanding. Everything I do for her is just about one way. Don’t get me wrong, regardless if she can’t do the same for me, imp glad I can help when I can. It’s just who I am. But I know that something’s I do, she can not return due to certain reasons, and I respect that as well.

... My feelings tell me I am doing something wrong. And honestly I know what that thing is. But I still persist, ignoring my gut feeling.

....Graduation is still around the corner, and I am deeply terrified I will not be able to walk with my class. It was because of stupid mistakes, and slacking off, that I put myself into such a predicament. I hope I get stuff done in time to graduate.
Until then, I can only wait and hope that my entire make up work will get me onto the line with nothing to worry about and nothing to hold me back.

About today

Today I won gold at my events. The feeling was great. Everyone In my group performed flawlessly. I am truly glad these awesome people allowed me to perform with them. She was part of one of my groups. She looked beautiful. The performances went by really fast and before I knew it, it was awards time. After the awards, she had to leave, so I walked with her to her car. I have to say, i always find myself happy around her. We hugged a few times enjoying each others company. When we had finished the moment, we glanced toward one another. She says "see you soon". I reply with "okay. Looking forward to it". Then we went our separate ways. As I was walking I had the urge to look back for no apparent reason. Maybe it was because I had wanted to see her one last time before I left. I can't say and I may never find out. As I was walking, a sudden sense of depression overwhelmed me and I found myself sadder then I have ever been in my life. For reasons unknown, the sense of emptiness consumed me. I felt like I wanted to breakdown and cry. It must be true what my mentor said about breakdancers. "breakdancers are like emo people. Theu abuse their bodies." I'm not suicidal in any way. I don't know what to feel right now. I have no emotional support anymore, anywhere. This ends my day in sadness. Life isn't being fair to me. It likes to throw nasty curves at me. But what can I do? Nothing right now. I really hate my life. it wants me to suffer. This is the third time I have bounced in between moods, and I want it to just stop. Writing this out is making me cry, because i know I shouldn't be depressed. It's so bad, my mind Is making me relate my life to apologize, and madworld. AlI I want to do right now, is to be with her and my friends. My life melts and I find myself better being around them. I hope to get such an opportunity soon

Marcus Perez